What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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