I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
