Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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