I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
