i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
