I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
