Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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