So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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