Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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