Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
