I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
