After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
