She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
