i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
