Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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