I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
