so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
