I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
