My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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