Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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