hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
