what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
