so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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