Well douche your snatch and let's go!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
