making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
How does one acquire holy water?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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