i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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