was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
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somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
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I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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