So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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