I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
