I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
