I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
