i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You made out with two different species that night
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
