GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
