If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
