he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
