i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
