He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
