You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
