come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
