I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
