Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
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After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
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He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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