i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
