you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
