Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
God, I missed his penis.
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