We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
