the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
