it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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