Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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