Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize