No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
