Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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