ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
