I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
