they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
