This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
