textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
