chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
