The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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