I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
