All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
