6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize