ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
