I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
