Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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