kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Come on in and take your pants off
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