My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
