your thong is hanging out like whoa
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
