that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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