Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
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He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
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I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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