You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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