glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
