it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
