i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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