Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
