he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i believe in u and ur pee
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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