Im at strip club and am horny
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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