It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I want to have your abortion
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
