apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
